I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
