i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
