im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
