when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
