she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
