Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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