if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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