strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
