Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Are we still banned from the library?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize