Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
