omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
