So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
