so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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