ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
