Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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