Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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