so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
