i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
