I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
