Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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