im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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