Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
