i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
