His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
