I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
