haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
