I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
