i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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