he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
