My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
