My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize