so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
