I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
