dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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