Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
