i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize