We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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