hotel room ftw
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
