Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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