a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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