well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
