Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
