so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize