No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
