just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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