I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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