Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
