I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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