I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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