I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
