well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
