I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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