his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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