Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
