Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
