I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
