Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
