I'm really into asian looking animals
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
