Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
