Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm both gender and math confused
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
