I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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