Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
