when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
