i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
