I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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